I'm not sure why this disconnected feeling actually happens... but I think it has something to do with how I look at all of this and think, "This could have been my life. I could have been here, living through all of this, buying these things every day, breathing this air, sleeping and waking and marrying someone like this. How weird is that?!" And trying to comprehend the possibility of this alternate reality is definitely a mental trial, but more than it being difficult to understand, it creates an instinctively panicky feeling at the bottom of my stomach.
The thought that I could have never been to Boston. Never gone to BLS, UChicago. Never met any of my friends. Read Harry Potter fanfiction. Been to Prince Edward Island. Learned lindy hop with Alex. Met Alex. Things like that kind of turn my stomach. Maybe. I don't know. Life is full of a lot of close calls, and living in Beijing now is like living in that alternate universe that could've been mine, so easily. Maybe that's why I'm so scared here. How much I love my life in Boston and Chicago as opposed to this existence.
It's not actually been such a bad boat, I have to say. We did go swing dancing, which was actually kind of nice... though they're quite an insular bunch. I don't know. I felt like a lao wai that time. I'll wait until Link gets back to Beijing, and ask him to take me around. ^_^ W00t. Anyway, yesterday, Lucy and I met up and went to YongAnLi, which was huge. And met up with Eg, who knows Emily! And Lucy helped me bargain down a watch, a cellphone battery, two handbags, and a hairclip, all for pretty much 250 RMB. For all of you playing at home, that's about 40 USD. Which is awesome. W00t. Then I went back to XiZhiMen, where my cousin called me and told me to take a cab to some hot pot place. I arrived at the restaurant to find a table of raucous young men - a few of which I recognized as being my cousin's friends from when we were younger. It was funny to sit and listen to them, call out each other for toasts, and yelling and swearing, and calling for more beer. One of them, who had brought a new girlfriend, was leaving on a trip tomorrow, and he kept pleading off drinking beer because he had a plane to catch.
"If I drink too fucking much, then I can't get up tomorrow!" He shook his head and laughed. My cousin didn't miss a beat.
"Wait, what? Did you just say you can't get it up? What can't you get up, huh?" The table exploded in laughter.
I hid my smile behind a glass of green tea, and put some more lamb meat in the pot. It was a very amusing time, to see them go to the bathroom together, and come back, with my cousin cursing.
"You can't fucking pee together with this asshole, I swear," he said as he sat down. "His aim's so goddamned horrible I swear my calves are wet." Much hooting and laughing.
My cousin is a drama queen, basically. But a funny one. There were about ten or so of them, and only four or five women, all girlfriends... and then me. A few of them asked me eager questions about America, and what I was doing here, and stories about my cousin. My cousin lovingly recounted an instance where my mother had given him a royal spanking...
The scene: Connie was 5, and my cousin, Ning-Ning, about 12 or so, with his friend Hu Chen, were with me at my grandfather's house. While everyone was finishing up lunch in the kitchen, we were sitting in my grandfather's bedroom. They were discussing something, and I was curious, but my cousin had told me to ask my mom about it. So I, being completely naïve, had marched into the kitchen and tugged at my mother, who absent-mindedly turned towards me.
"Mama, Ning-Ning told me to ask you what licking a popsicle means."
Dead silence in the kitchen, full of my adult maternal relatives. I really wish that I'd remembered this, but I was only 5, after all. And then my mother stormed into the bedroom, spanked him, yelled at him, and basically ripped my cousin a new one.
Some things never change.
My cousin has a horrible temper, and a bad habit of yelling at people. Isn't too polite. Definitely lazy. Spends everyone's money but his own, but that's because he doesn't have any. But aside from bullying me when I was a little girl, he's a nice guy - always very generous, loyal, and protective. Though he can be a tard, he's not a bad guy, and I do like him when he makes sense. Anyway.
I sat through two hours of dinner, of listening to swears, toasts, through the haze of beer and cigarette smoke. I've been here for about four days now, and I can tell you he's pretty much a pack-a-day kind of guy. *shakes head* His girlfriend is kind of a sweet girl, though, and I like her. We went shopping this afternoon for some clothing. I brought a few awesome skirts, and two great shirts: one of which is below. W00t.
You can't see all of it, but it's basically a gray tee, with a black cat on it who is entangling itself in an orange ball of thread. A speech bubble from the cat says, "Fffffffffhhhhhh!!!"
I love it, because... when was the last time you heard a cat say "Ffffffffhhhhhh!!!" ? It's ridiculous, which is a pretty good representation of Beijing. <3
Tomorrow, some proper work on my presentation for Tsinghua, and my cousin's soccer game. Hopefully, also, meeting up with Lucy, Eg (from yesterday) and Sam Berkowitz, that sexy bastard, and having dinner. It'll be like UChicago'10. W00t.
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